i need to get a grip

Life hasn't been peachy keen like i wanted it to be. i haven't been "cool" for a while. for a long while. i feel like i've been in a knot. by the way, word up to my lesbian friend, Vy, for making me want to start a blog. i'm using this as a medium to vent. a diary takes too much time to write. the problem is i can't put my issues about people on here that might read it. well who's gonna read this anyway? let's get started!

i feel trapped in feelings. gosh im so emo. but really i feel like i tell people the same story over and over so maybe, just maybe, if i put some words down i can let go. it's been almost 4 months since my last relationship and i'm still not over it. but the funny thing is i don't really want to be in a relatioship right now. i don't know how to change this. all i can do is look forward to next semester because this one is starting to suck already. i love my sister and we're going to move in together. this day, last year, was one of the best days of my life. i'm such a girly girl. i got roses, chocolate, a dinosaur toy, more candy, and a hello kitty kite. the weather was like spring so we flew the kite. why does my life have to revolve around relationships, whether i have one or not? i see many single people who say they're happy but i think deep down everyone wants someone. i lived with him in the summer and it was the best summer i've ever had. right when the sun is setting we ride our bikes to campus. we find explored the terrain that was OU. we try to do tricks off ramps, just play around. we jumped in fountains and raced on the sidewalks. when we had our fill we headed home but stopped at the local play ground to jump on the jungle gyms. when we got back to the apartment we'd make a mexican dinner and watch the office reruns. i know when i look back at college those were the best days i had. time has passed and i still linger on these memories.

it will still take some time for me to move on. i feel like he has made me the person i am today, and that is why i don't think i can find anyone better. he's not that stupid spoiled american boy. he was different. raised on discipline, he wasn't tolerant of laziness, which i can be sometimes. i realize that if you never had a job and you're my age, you suck. work teaches you so much: discipline and time managment; i could go on. maybe i just get these feeling because of my past relationships. he also made me proud of my heritage. as weird as it may sound, i wish i knew how to speak fluent viet.

i've met a new guy the past week at work. i'm training him to be a pharm tech at walgreen's...wooo. (sarcasm) trainees come and go so we swapped numbers and maybe we might be something. i don't know. just in that flirting stage now.

besides that, boys can be really stupid. let's say if he called you a 'bitch' and you get mad at him. and says: gosh, why are you so pissed. you say: you just called a 'bitch' five seconds ago, asshole. haha im picking on all boys. they're so dense but at the same time simple minded, and i like it that way.

i have nothing to look forward to in this semester. i hate how my work is scheduling me on the weekends. i hate being alone in my apartment, it makes me miss my old roommates. one's that believe in 'chicks before dicks.' i'm considering moving out of my current apartment for the summer to live with two of my old roommates at essex squares. the bike ride to campus is less than 5 minues. it looks like a good deal; the issue is that i'd have to move my large ass bed. and all the other shit i have. is it worth it? i'm absolutly miserable living here and i feel like it would be better for me and my roommates. i'd love the fresh start for the summer. except i won't get to ride bikes with my lesbian lover, darn it.

i used to be afraid to be alone but now i feel that's how i'd like to be.