hmmm....

i had quite an interesting night last night. i kind of feel stupid for doing what i did but what has been done has been done.

i seem to move to fast into relationships. well, compared to other relationships. the trainee (that i mentioned in the last post), i'm afraid has gotten the wrong signals. i don't even know what i want anymore. do i really need to be in a relationship?!! when one door closes another one opens. it's funny because as one door opens, i shut it. however, last night was entirly my fault. i'm sorry. when i get in flirt mode...well yeah. No, i did not have a one night stand!

i realize that my standards get higher and higher even though i try my best not to judge. first, you have to be educated. i will not date you if you dropped out of high school because it is fucking easy and doesn't cost anything. (family problems, i'll think about it, but if you were just lazy or high out the wahzoo, yeah) preferably in college, i don't care what major. second, you have to have a job (explained in past blog why i hate people who don't have jobs) third, i have to find you attractive. yea it sounds shallow but i have a good explanation. and yes, i want you to look nice (but it's not all looks) but here's my reason: if i dont find you attractive, i'd probably see you as a friend more than my boyfriend. ya know what i mean?

gahh i hate being single. no i don't. dont listen to me. see, and this is why we shouldnt be together. i'm not your type, i'm still hung up on an ex, we have nothing in common. and i think i give these reasons to scare you off. hmm...oh well. you are the party type. i am the study nerd. i live in the library and i'm anti-social. you're old enough to drink and it would be a bummer to drag me everywhere. i don't have time for you (as mean as that sounds) and did i mention that i'm a leech that will steal your soul.

i wish i weren't so nice so i could stop beating around the bush. give it straight up, yo. i'd like to be friends but i don't think that's what he wants to be.