mew...*random*...mew

here's one way to win my attention: reverse psychology. i semi- like this guy. we'll just call him 'trainee guy,' and i'm sure he likes me too. all of a sudden he stops texting....and now i go apeshit. lol.

my feet hurt so i'm writing.

so i just learned that the Westboro baptist church is going to protest at Moore high school monday. HOLY CRAP! they are the scums of the earth. if you dont know who they are, go research them, yea they're trying to beat nazis as worst people on earth. all they preach is hate...and they come from a church. what has this world come to?

i think i might go to spectate. idk.

i think everyone has their own relationship with God, and that's between you and God and noone else. I know a lot of my friends are going to mass tonight for lent, and other friends....well aren't. That's cool. whatever. i'm not catholic so i don't know the true meaning of mass and ash wednesday. i notice some people aren't devout to their religion. ya know what? that's cool! that's their relationship with God. not necessarily saying it's good or bad, who am I to judge if it's good or not. that's their beef and i'm cool with that. i went to church with my parents until i graduated high school. i understand they 'dont want me to go to hell' or whatever, but they have to know that i'm old enough to think for myself. i'm happy i was raised with the church of christ. i feel that's where most of my beliefs derived from.

as of now my beliefs have changed from good ol days of church camp. i believe that if you are a good person and do good things than you are "saved." doesn't matter what religion you are, just if you are a good person and don't do harm to others.

if the beatles taught me anything; "speaking words of wisdom, let it be"

times like these i wish i were a robot.

damn that i know where you park your bike for now i know that i will turn my head everytime i come out those doors. i saw you today and i know you saw me too. my heart is fluttering but i know exactly what you will do. turn away and relocate the next time we may meet. times like these i refuse to move on. go on as you always do and pretend i'm not there, and i will do the same. was it that easy to stop missing me?

so much to do, and so little time.

i have so much on my mind right now. so much that i'm not all sad about a past significant other...at least there's a plus. after going to work yesterday i realized that i have been scheduled full time for the next two weeks! one of the weeks including an organic exam. ugh, my life. i actually don't blame the manager on this one; i was supposed to ask for less hours but have been putting it off.

i wanted to start a rant series on my blog. i'm not sure. sometimes i get sick of myself bitching. i do this especially when cars pull in front of me or when i get to the light it turns red; it's usually when i'm driving i get these feelings of anger. haha. well if and when i do start it, it will cover: why i hate hummers (chevys and fords; you're all nothing but pieces of shit on the road), why i hate the white man (they are the cause of all the hate), the rainforest (all environmentalists want to do is save the rainforest because of the pretty flowers), and missionary work (i'm reading a book (savages) and i realize that by converting others you are taking away their culture.)

what i should be doing now, because i have two more days of work to look forward to: writing up my lab, studying more for organic, studying for MBIO, fixing my bike (it's a bit late for that anyway) applying for scholarships, writing letters begging for recommendation letters. haha yea i'm pathetic.

oh yea, and trainee guy, he's not so bad after all. we had lunch today and i found out that we went to the same church when we were little and we hung out in the same group and didn't know it. how cool is that? do i like him? i don't know now. i'm not going to pursue anything.

i can't wait til next year. my sister planned out our entire living space. watch it not turn out like we want it.

i saw his bike today coming out of organic. i would really like to say hi to him. should i walk slower next time? maybe we might meet. i don't want to stop missing you.

FIN.

yanni is my hero

so im drunk off of cold medicine because i plan on having a good night sleep to night. even though i'm not sick. i may of a sleeping problem. and im listening to yanni, good stuff.

there's this girl in my organic class who muffin tops. sorry, it just really bothers me that much that i have to bring it up. not on the top thank goodness. am talking spider veins muffin top. seriously, i only think skanky people can pull that off. and there's this one guy that is checking her out the whole time. *shiver* whatevs.

now that i have that mental image out of my mind, i think im going to bed.

hmmm....

i had quite an interesting night last night. i kind of feel stupid for doing what i did but what has been done has been done.

i seem to move to fast into relationships. well, compared to other relationships. the trainee (that i mentioned in the last post), i'm afraid has gotten the wrong signals. i don't even know what i want anymore. do i really need to be in a relationship?!! when one door closes another one opens. it's funny because as one door opens, i shut it. however, last night was entirly my fault. i'm sorry. when i get in flirt mode...well yeah. No, i did not have a one night stand!

i realize that my standards get higher and higher even though i try my best not to judge. first, you have to be educated. i will not date you if you dropped out of high school because it is fucking easy and doesn't cost anything. (family problems, i'll think about it, but if you were just lazy or high out the wahzoo, yeah) preferably in college, i don't care what major. second, you have to have a job (explained in past blog why i hate people who don't have jobs) third, i have to find you attractive. yea it sounds shallow but i have a good explanation. and yes, i want you to look nice (but it's not all looks) but here's my reason: if i dont find you attractive, i'd probably see you as a friend more than my boyfriend. ya know what i mean?

gahh i hate being single. no i don't. dont listen to me. see, and this is why we shouldnt be together. i'm not your type, i'm still hung up on an ex, we have nothing in common. and i think i give these reasons to scare you off. hmm...oh well. you are the party type. i am the study nerd. i live in the library and i'm anti-social. you're old enough to drink and it would be a bummer to drag me everywhere. i don't have time for you (as mean as that sounds) and did i mention that i'm a leech that will steal your soul.

i wish i weren't so nice so i could stop beating around the bush. give it straight up, yo. i'd like to be friends but i don't think that's what he wants to be.

just another day

so should i go to yoga today? i NEED to be more productive. it's in an hour-i have time to think about it. i'll think about it. i'm feeling a little bleh because of my test this morning. i'm not feeling too confident because i didn't apply much studying as i wanted to. damn my work for scheduling me 4 days straight!!! especially if it's closing, which it was all four days. when one has to close, one goes home tired and stressed and not wanting to study. i shouldn't bitch. i'm sure people have to work full time and go to school.

so i've heard we have some people who can't park correctly at my apartment complex. good golly ms. molly does that burn my biscuits. LEARN TO FUCKING PARK! please :)

another thing that steams my broccoli is when people like...well im not going to name any names, but they think o-chem is soooo easy. gosh, don't need to tell the world. what if the person next to you failed his test? you suck!

i'm a bit chipper at the same time. i cleaned my room which felt good. spring cleaning, ya know? i'm packing up my books and putting up pictures. i've learned my lesson for next semester: don't take all your shit with you. that's all i have. i'm going to miss how big my room is. i know this isnt for a couple more months but *sigh* it feels like we've bonded. not only that. i also have a ton of kitchen ware. maybe i'll sell them on ebay. j/k i love my dishes, back off.

i want to go shopping but at the same time, i need to save my bucks. when i was little my babysitter took us shopping all the time. she bought us whatever the hell we wanted pretty much. then she'd take us to a nice resturant afterwards. her husband was my dad's boss so yea they were family friends that were super loaded. when my dad's job came to its' demise the family became...well....poor. my dad's boss left the family and went to vietnam while his wife is raising their third child. the other two are adults who live elsewhere. she had to move from a big house to a smaller one and start from scratch since her husband was the one who brought home the bacon. it seems like the only thing she could do was start a daycare because that's what she's best at; taking care of children. she went to hell and back to get licenced, take classes, and crap with DHS with her hectic schedule. look at me, she raised me well. i feel like she's done so much for my sister and i and well, i guess this is a shout out to her even though she won't know it. once in a while i'd take her daughter to the movies and once i have the time i'll take her shopping.

i need to get a grip

Life hasn't been peachy keen like i wanted it to be. i haven't been "cool" for a while. for a long while. i feel like i've been in a knot. by the way, word up to my lesbian friend, Vy, for making me want to start a blog. i'm using this as a medium to vent. a diary takes too much time to write. the problem is i can't put my issues about people on here that might read it. well who's gonna read this anyway? let's get started!

i feel trapped in feelings. gosh im so emo. but really i feel like i tell people the same story over and over so maybe, just maybe, if i put some words down i can let go. it's been almost 4 months since my last relationship and i'm still not over it. but the funny thing is i don't really want to be in a relatioship right now. i don't know how to change this. all i can do is look forward to next semester because this one is starting to suck already. i love my sister and we're going to move in together. this day, last year, was one of the best days of my life. i'm such a girly girl. i got roses, chocolate, a dinosaur toy, more candy, and a hello kitty kite. the weather was like spring so we flew the kite. why does my life have to revolve around relationships, whether i have one or not? i see many single people who say they're happy but i think deep down everyone wants someone. i lived with him in the summer and it was the best summer i've ever had. right when the sun is setting we ride our bikes to campus. we find explored the terrain that was OU. we try to do tricks off ramps, just play around. we jumped in fountains and raced on the sidewalks. when we had our fill we headed home but stopped at the local play ground to jump on the jungle gyms. when we got back to the apartment we'd make a mexican dinner and watch the office reruns. i know when i look back at college those were the best days i had. time has passed and i still linger on these memories.

it will still take some time for me to move on. i feel like he has made me the person i am today, and that is why i don't think i can find anyone better. he's not that stupid spoiled american boy. he was different. raised on discipline, he wasn't tolerant of laziness, which i can be sometimes. i realize that if you never had a job and you're my age, you suck. work teaches you so much: discipline and time managment; i could go on. maybe i just get these feeling because of my past relationships. he also made me proud of my heritage. as weird as it may sound, i wish i knew how to speak fluent viet.

i've met a new guy the past week at work. i'm training him to be a pharm tech at walgreen's...wooo. (sarcasm) trainees come and go so we swapped numbers and maybe we might be something. i don't know. just in that flirting stage now.

besides that, boys can be really stupid. let's say if he called you a 'bitch' and you get mad at him. and says: gosh, why are you so pissed. you say: you just called a 'bitch' five seconds ago, asshole. haha im picking on all boys. they're so dense but at the same time simple minded, and i like it that way.

i have nothing to look forward to in this semester. i hate how my work is scheduling me on the weekends. i hate being alone in my apartment, it makes me miss my old roommates. one's that believe in 'chicks before dicks.' i'm considering moving out of my current apartment for the summer to live with two of my old roommates at essex squares. the bike ride to campus is less than 5 minues. it looks like a good deal; the issue is that i'd have to move my large ass bed. and all the other shit i have. is it worth it? i'm absolutly miserable living here and i feel like it would be better for me and my roommates. i'd love the fresh start for the summer. except i won't get to ride bikes with my lesbian lover, darn it.

i used to be afraid to be alone but now i feel that's how i'd like to be.