today i went to eat pho with my buddy szu chu. my day wasn't going so well since i didn't know i had work at 10 in the morning because i thought my shift would start at 5. well, i woke up this morning to my phone ringing and looked at it, it said 'walgreens.' surely i didn't sleep til 5! my pharmacist on the other line said 'where the hell are you.' apparently i was supposed to be at work at 10. the time was 10:10 and i was at work by 10:15, which means i only missed 15 minutes of work, not to brag though :P. tired, irritated, and slightly hungover i was a hot mess. getting off at 3 i had to help my friend move her entire life into her new apartment. i was starving...so we went to eat pho...i digress from my frantic day to get to the point. so we went to eat pho and there was a kid behind us crying his ass off. maybe two years old, give or take. you could tell he did not want to be here, he was fucking pissed. now, i don't know if i'm exaggerating this because i was already irritated or maybe i really can't stand babies crying. i realize, if this was a vietnamese kid he would not be throwing a fit because the parents would already have spanked the shit out of him. not like child abuse but an amount i find too unbearable. i don't remember much of how i was punished when i was a kid since my mom died when i was a wee child. but what i do remember consisted of being put in a dark closet or something. it sounds like child abuse but i guess my dad really never needed to punish my sister and i because we were so obedient, or sneaky. it's weird the way me and my sister turned out. i would say my dad did a good job of raising us but some would beg to differ. he didn't force ideals into our minds, he just let us think for ourselves. of course, don't stray to far from god but that was the most he's lectured us. my sister and i love our dad because of this. he's someone i really do look up to. he taught us not to judge (even though he did it himself) not to screw people over, (acting like your back is broken in a mini fenderbender to get money from insurance) be good to everyone. he taught well.

so i have given up on titles. what's the point, you're going to read my blog anyways so whatever. anyways.......this morning my cousin calls me with a dilemma. a relationship ended and who's to blame? the neglected boyfriend or the attention-craving friends? apparently, in this case you can't have your cake and eat it too. well the relationship has already ended but my cousin and i have come to a common consensus that when it comes between the guy and the friends, you go for the guy. that's right, you go for the guy. now i might sound like a sucky friend right now but god dammit if they were true friends they'd understand, right? i only find this between really close friends and family. if me and my sister were just casually hanging out and boy calls, i go for boy, she's cool, all is good. and that's why i love debra :P friends and family can't give you intimacy and closeness that a significant other can and they're supposed to be there for you unconditionally. well, after a long crazy drawn out story my cousin is still left in shambles and i'm helping him cope. screw the friends because they're obviously jealous. win the guy back and learn your lesson that these friends of yours are bitter because they don't have what you have. what can i say but 'misery loves company.'

i still miss him slightly. not as much as i used to since i've moved on. last night i saw him again and we were civil. dinner was chill, everything was good. i can tell he missed me and i missed him too, having him in front of my face. all the things he said flashback to me. stuff like "if you ever try pot i'll never talk to you again," and "all we have in common is the past," and "she's my girlfriend now"; just to remind myself how much of a tool he was. driving him home i remembered all the things i didn't like about him. just stuff he'd say and things he'd do that i was annoyed with when were were together. when our night was done he made me his reason to break up with his girlfriend. i never want to be that person, the other girl. he wanted more from me but i wasn't going to give it to him. first because i have someone else that i like so much more, second i knew he would just leave me again. he asked me if i regretted anything with the person i found, i said 'no' since this person at least acts like he cares about me. i feel bad because i still like him.