"you bastard"

i try to like someone and just find out how unreliable they are. i try to move on and this just reassures me that i shouldn't. first off, i hear too much shit about this person anyway. some say that i can change this person. i'm not so sure seeing that he is already too deep in bad habits. he's already grown up, he's lived his life. i've still got growing up to do. second off, he's unpredictable. tell me you're coming to see me and then don't. it's not that my feelings are hurt but i had better things to do. waste of my time-bigass mistake ever, fuck you.

angst cookies

these feelings of mine come and go. agnst.

this week by far was the most bleh week. not bad, just bleh. (i say that for many things. dont judge) i had 1 big test and 1 quiz today. i think i did okay on the test but not the quiz. yea, whatthefuckever. grades have been posted for some classes and i'm a bit depressed. two 5 page papers to do, due on tuesday. this weekend doesnt look so bright; besides the weather.

my dad is giving me hell about lying on my taxes and not working too much. just ugh. times like these all i can fall back on is my family (in this case, not my dad). my sister just got back from lunch and we can just talk for hours. my cousin keeps calling me and it's nice to hear from him because i don't see much of him anyways. his birthday is next weekend and were going to p.f. changs. then it's time for the medieval fair. wooo! little secret: i'm going to try and invite someone i miss very much, to go with me. who knows if he'll say yes but it's worth a try, right? so i'm taken. unless he says 'no' and i'm heartbroken again and then i'll need some help. the only people i want to be around is my family. i feel like school is killing me inside.

i'm starting to have feelings for a man friend that i have been hanging out with (i guess we could just call it dating now). people say things, people say a lot of things. i know friends want me to be cautious but i feel like i'm the only one knowing what i'm getting myself into. afterall, he is single, he can do what he wants. things are progressing quite nicely but a little too quickly for my taste. my ideal guy would be in school...why do i keep attracting losers?

i'm looking forward to a better week. luck, don't fail me now. afterwards i want to go bike riding around hefner. matt, you in?

regret

....i regret a lot of things.

the reason...

the reason i write in this blog is to get over him. he is the only person i want to be with now and for the rest of my life. at least that's how i feel now.

{it's been almost five months. things happen and i slowly get over you. i want to get over you because i know you'll never come back. at this moment i feel bliss. it's 8:30 in the morning and i planned on sleeping in but i got up and thought of you. last night i chatted with you for an hour. i haven't heard from you since. my heart pounded because i miss you so much. i wonder if you still love me like i love you. you put yourself out to be very successful. i'm so proud. i got the courage to ask you about any relationships you've been in. am i really the last girl you kissed? i'm flattered. i'm sure you're bullshiting somewhat. i know i was; i lied, i told you that i haven't seen anyone since.

i keep daydreaming that maybe we'd cross paths in the summer. i assumed you were going to take summer classes again but you have an internship. you have made a lot for yourself. when you tell me this i didn't know if you were trying to rub it in my face or just telling me so i can be happy for you, either way i am very happy for you. it's good to see that you get along with your roommates. still running....same ol', same ol'.

i really hope you're turning in your bed as much as i have these past few months. truth is i don't wish any wrong on you. i wish you the best. i love you so much, but i hate how you've made me feel. you left me a stronger, yet vulnerable, person than before i met you. sometimes i feel like you were the one that turned me into a recluse. it has it's pro's more than con's.

the medieval fair is coming up. i might ask you to go with me, depending on how i think you'll respond at the time. i hope you say yes because i'd like to see you again.}

so yea, i know everyone knows he's bad news but he is the only person that could make me happy. well i could think of another but that's not the point. lol. i'm getting over him and it doesnt help how i was lured into the chat box.

let's hope a bike ride will get my mind of things.

my heart will remain open to you.

done with work...

...for the rest of the spring break. wooooo!!!! i had the funnest night last night. my friend, cousin, and i drank and i got to smoke hookah for the first time. it's much fun to be light headed bonding. the break is half way over and i have not studied as much as i wanted to. tomorrow is bike riding, thursday is mountain climbing, friday is...i don't know, but it's not going to be studying. i don't have much on my mind; as of late anyways.

much needed R&R

Spring break....ahhhhhh! today at work was amazing. everything was smooth sailing. times like these i don't mind being in retail. really, i don't. yesterday, on the other hand, was horrible. probably the worst day i've had at my OKC store. friday the 13? i don't know but it sure was crazy.

boys, boys, boys, we love them! i find myself listening to lady gaga, all the time!

i'm attracting boys i don't want to be with. they're immature and stupid and all they want to do is make out. i have a crush on someone in my class. we were put in the same group and, i don't know, he intrigues me. i like a man that's bilingual. i shouldn't get my hopes up though. i notice that people who aren't in college are so forward in their courting behaviour. cute? i think not, it is very annoying. yesterday night, after a party, trainee calls me and wanted to hang out. he was so persistent. it was 3 in the morning and 'no' i don't want you to come over! my excuse was that i had a friend over and that i was tired; he still didn't give up. i got him off my case when i asked matt to get me water. it would have been funnier if matt was like, " dianna, get back to bed, we're supposed to be doing it!"

spring weather is here and it makes me sick that i'm not playing frisbee with my boyfriend (the one i don't have) :P or flying a kite. being alone for most of the break, since i have work in norman, will help me realize how pathetic i can be. *sigh*

plans this break: do my communications report, read 'savages' (good read), study microbiology, work on ochem lab, ochem practice problems, my latin geog. group project. go to witchita wildlife refuge, ride bikes.
other things i want to do: go shopping and spend all the money i have, make a kite, play frisbee. run.

three more days of work and i'm free.

be O.K.

so much has happened...so much i dont have time to make note of it, so i'll do that now. i've been stressed more so than i ever have this semester. work is a pain in the butt. i hate dealing with stupid people. i'm not kidding, they really are stupid. last wednesday was the absolute worst. there was a missing check from the cash register....and i was the one who accidently handed the customer back her check. i had to call her, apologize and beg her to return to Walgreen's with the check I handed back. luckily she was nice enough but my coworkers back. ugh, worst feeling ever.

so my feet hurt and i bought a new pair of shoes. $86...i think that's the most i ever spent on shoes.

i started hanging out with one of my coworkers. she is so cool. haha, it feels like elementary school when i was in 1st grade and looked up to the 6th graders because they were so badass! i guess she's like a big sister...friend.

i'm in a sort of jumble. i've met a new guy with the same name as trainee boy. trainee boy and i are over, i'm sure, because i told him off. mean? yes, but it just wasn't happening. i met the new guy at a party over the weekend. me likey shy guys. but i don't know; i don't want to be in a relationship. slowly getting over "him", but not entirely. i seem to attract guys that i'm not really into. we'll see about this new one. i'm not looking for anything serious, just dates for now. keepin it fun and light. i'm not one to shoot someone down. i give chances...and sometimes i find my self too trusting of people. i like attention and that's my weakness. i'm a sucker for cute things (and boys) and i have a hard time saying "no." Boy crazy? i'm not going to lie. i never thought of myself as a flirt but i guess i am??? there are just other guys i'd rather be dating. like...well, the ones i don't talk to. the ones that sit by themselves. they're smart and studious (or at least that's how they look.) that's what i want to tap...just playin'. the ones that are in school...my school. OU. why do i care. like i said, my life revoles around being in or out of a relationship.

i wish i didn't have work today so i could study for my organic lab test. ugghhhh.